Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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