Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
