It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
