She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
