Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
