You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
