Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
