I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We got so high we made milksteak
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
