im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
