So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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