I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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