Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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