i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
