if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
