I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
