Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
