I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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