Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
