I want to have your abortion
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
