I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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