Yo dont text me then not text me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
