That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
