I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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