Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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