i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
