The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize