Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
