He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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