Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
