We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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