shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
