i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
