thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
