It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
