plz talk dirty to me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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