He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
