a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
