Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
