Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
