Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
