Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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