she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I deserve this hangover.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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