Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize