Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
