new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
