You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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