a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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