Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
