i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
