i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
