the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
