Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
