how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
