pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
