I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
