Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
