she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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