I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize