I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize