No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
