The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
