how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
