Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
