If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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