Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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