the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
