check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
