you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
