Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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