Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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