I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We're too hungover to prance.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
